A Cup of Tea

Our flight from Visakhapatnam to Hyderabad was at 9AM on Sunday. We wanted to leave for the airport at 7AM. The previous night, I cleaned up the kitchen and the refrigerator and piled up the sink with dishes. The maid said she will come early in the morning to take care of the dishes and other chores.  

Sunday morning came, I woke up by 5:30AM, got ready, got the kids ready and finished packing. We were ready by 7, but then the maid called and said she is not coming for some reason. I didn't have the heart to leave the dishes in the sink as the maid won't come until the next day. I washed them all up. 

My Mother-In-Law woke up while I was doing these chores. For as long as I knew her, I remember her starting her day with a hot cup of tea.  She always made the tea herself, sat down at the table and enjoyed the tea with some biscuits before she started her daily chores.  These days the maid made the tea for her. By the time I was done with washing dishes, we were well behind our schedule. I wasn't sure if we would be able to catch the flight.  I saw her sitting at the table.  I didn't want to leave without making her tea. I am so glad I did. That was the last cup of tea I would ever make for her.  

Nirbhaya's documentary

To all the people that want to watch the BBC documentary with the interview of Nirbhaya's rapists:   

I have not watched the documentary,  nor do I intend to especially the interview of the rapist and his lawyers.  I have heard enough about it.  I don't understand why people need to watch it to understand why these rapists do what they do.  Don't we already know?  Do we need a TV documentary to tell us they commit these atrocities because of their utter lack of respect for women?  How will interviewing these horrendous men or their disgusting defense lawyers help us reform the situation?  Stop and think about what you are doing.  What the interview with the rapist did is to give that man a name and a face.  His face is all over Facebook, in news channels etc.  Why are we giving him this attention?  He does not deserve it.  He and his cohorts are where they should be and will hopefully leave this world soon, and we will be rid of some crap.  Forget about them.  They are non-existent.  I do not want to know him, his name, and even less his barf worthy opinions.  I understand your aggravation.  I hear your anger, but this is not going to help anyone.  Put your politics and feminism aside for a second and think about Nirbhaya and her Family, and other women that had to suffer these crimes.  Do they want the world to hear what those disgusting men think about them?  Aren't we adding insult to injury?   Look deep in your heart and I hope you find an answer there.  We owe it to Nirbhaya.

Why do women want to get pregnant?

Not sure if it’s the hormones kicking around in me or the poet in my heart (I am talking about myself, in case that was not obvious), or the urge to find an answer, or the fact that I just read Lost Symbol, that makes me want to write this, but whatever it is, I am putting my thoughts and questions down on paper. Why do women want to raise a family? Please note that this article is solely focused on women and to find an answer on women's motivations, as I have stopped trying to understand men the day I got married. Ok, going back to the question, why do women want to raise a family? Actually, why do women want to give birth to children? No, even better, why do women want to get pregnant?

Maybe I should give some background on myself: I am the mother of two kids – a 3 year old girl, and a 2 month old baby boy (and hence, the aforementioned hormones comment). Fortunately, both my pregnancies were painless. I can't say the same about the labor and deliveries, though. I had a 16hr labor with the first one, and no one, no article, no birthing class, no experienced woman could have prepared me for the mind numbing, husband-hating, life sucks, excruciating pain that I suffered in those 16 hrs. I was begging the labor nurse to tell the Doctor that I want a Caesarean. My Mom was also with me in the labor room, and both she and the nurse told me that this pain is better than a C-section. Now, did I have some temporary amnesia that made me forget those 16hrs and made me drive my husband crazy till I got pregnant again? No, I never forgot that day, and will never forget it for the rest of my life. Do I remember that pain with the same husband-hating, etc sensation (isn't it funny that 'husband-hating' was the only adjective that jumped into my head of all the ones that I used just a few moments ago?…anyway, I am digressing…) Not really. I will always treasure that day, and the only reason I can think of why I will treasure it is because the result of that husband-hating (there I go again) pain is a beautiful baby girl, my daughter, my first-born…Wait a minute! Did I say I'll treasure that day because of my daughter? My 3 year old, who disappointed her Dad and me when she redefined terrible two as terrible two, terrible three and going over terrible four? I am kidding, I love my daughter.

The first thing that happens as soon as a woman finds out she is pregnant is that she doesn't fit in her favorite jeans anymore. It’s the law of nature. That's more natural than getting pregnant, of course, that makes sense only if the pregnancy was conceived naturally, and not by the million other ways it can be done these days. Reminds me of a joke I read a few years ago:
Headlines in 2022: Scientists stumped when baby was conceived naturally.
Well, if it's not for the sabbatical from jeans, is it for the bonding with those unshapely, ghastly, expensive maternity clothes that women want to get pregnant? I really doubt it. I would know this better than anyone as I love dressing up, especially for parties. The moment I hear the Evite ping in my inbox, I start planning what I, and my daughter will wear for the party. So, you can imagine how that whole dressing up thing had to be put aside during my pregnancy. I had to get my blouse specially tailored to fit me for my baby shower. When I gave my measurements to my Mom on the phone, I could hear her gasp in shock. The tailor apparently refused to stitch the blouse according to the measurements I gave because he didn’t believe that anyone could be that big. So, what was the result? My Mom brought the 3 sizes smaller blouse, and for my baby shower she had to take some stitches off so that I could wear it. Implicitly, rather very explicitly, I can say that it's not the clothes that motivate a woman to get pregnant.

This is not a self analyzing article. There are other women like me too. My colleague, mother of one child, says that she will repeat the whole pregnancy thing in a heart beat, and this woman had a 36 hour long labor. My sister, scheduled to have a C-section with her second one, asked her doctor if she can experience labor pains a little bit before she has the c-section. My Mom was feeling bad for my sister that her doctor did not agree to let her, her daughter, suffer. Something is seriously wrong in this scenario. Several of my friends wished they were pregnant, when they saw me pregnant. Before I could "Awwwwww…" them and offer them one of my kids, they jumped to tell me that it's not for the kids, its just for the pregnancy experience. At least, it's not just me! Whatever the answer is, that's what made one of my friends put up with 2 months of bed rest, so I am still looking for an answer.

There must be some thing about these darn little ones that makes women want to get pregnant so that they can mother them. And, its not just women, its little girls too. My daughter, for example. She loves to play 'Mother' to her little brother. If given a chance, she will change his diaper, give him a bath, put his clothes on and even feed him. So, is it just a women's hormonal thing, and I should leave it at that and not think about it anymore? Not really, because my friend says that her 4 year old son also loves babies, and would love to have one around.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s the change in women's bodies that encourages them to get pregnant. The discoloration of the skin, the enhanced saggy baggy look, the shriveled jelly belly, additional pounds in the wrong places, and all these changes stick with the women for the rest of their lives like BFF - all this happening while the husbands remain the same as when you first got married…Ok, I think its time for me to stop the dramatics and say that these are definitely not the reasons. Then, what is it?

OR, could it be the epidural? Mmmm…epidural…you go into lala land when that tiny little thing is injected into your spine…this is the most beautiful world, the people around me are the loveliest, and there's my husband, the apple of my eye, the love of my life, the Master of my dreams, the…ufff, what can I say!!!! See how an epidural can transform your husband hating thoughts to the mush I just said??? Just thinking of an epidural makes me go high! God, it's warm in this room. I need to switch on the fan.

I had these questions in my mind even before my younger one was born, so I wanted to keep an eye on myself (if you can imagine that) while I was going through labor with the little one to see if the answer magically pops from somewhere (besides the baby popping). I went through labor, epidural (mmm…lala…stop! focus, Woman!), baby popped out, and baby is in my hands. Hallelujah! The feeling that I got when I held my baby for the first time is just priceless. Like Déjà vu, I remembered the same sensation when my first one was born, but at that time, I thought it was because I was thankful that the labor pains are done. But with my second one, I know that was not the reason. It is the baby! It is holding it and experiencing that indescribable joy. I remembered what a friend said once, "Holding my baby for the first time is the most thrilling moment of my life", and this was a Dad. Can you imagine what a Mom must feel then? So, is this the reason? Holding your baby for the first time? It may or may not be, but I would say that it is totally worth it. I think everyone should take a moment from their busy lives, and remember that moment in their life when they held their children for the first time and savor it, before the memory fades away. Trust me, there is nothing like it.

Its probably time for me to stop here, and pick it up another day as it doesn’t look like I'll be seeing light anytime soon (maybe I should just switch on both the light and fan in the room). Whatever be the reason, like my Mom says, it must be a good one otherwise there won't be any people in this world.